Beauty In The Breakdown
by Greg'sgirl5
Summary: It was almost ironic. The way no matter when something bad happened, it was always him. Always Reid. And even further ironic, the way he never saw it coming.


_Disclaimer: I own nothing! If I did, this would happen._

**Beauty In The Breakdown**

It was almost ironic.

The way no matter when something bad happened, it was always him. Always Reid. And even further ironic, the way he never saw it coming.

Innocence was something he clung to tightly, as everything he saw was much too dark to handle. Much too tainted, much too confusing. Enough to make him explode.

And when the unsub grabbed him from behind, making the familiar ice cold anxiety pool in his stomach, he felt that maybe, it was just too ironic this time.

The one day he didn't follow behind JJ. All because he still hadn't been able to fully trust her. Because of some childish grudge he held. No doubt, she deserved it. But Spencer Reid never acted upon something so insignificant.

The one day he decided to go his own way through the unsub's house. To prove not just to the team, but to himself, that he was no child. That he could do things himself. That he didn't need help.

Wrong he was, yet again. Ironic.

As the unsub whispered in his ear for him to comply, his thoughts wandered. He nodded and did as he was told, but his mind was down the hall with his team. His family.

The family that had only just been reunited. The family that was struggling to keep it together. The people he cared for most, and yet never spoke to about his feelings.

And right then, his feelings were all over the place.

...

His eyes flickered from person to person. From Morgan to Emily, JJ to Rossi. He avoided Hotch purposefully, too embarrassed to look at the man who always seemed to be right when protectively leaving him behind.

The team all took their shot at talking the unsub out of it. The unsub replied. Reid didn't hear a word.

His thoughts were threatening to break him. It was too much. The Emily incident, the mistrust with JJ, the doubt with Hotch, the obvious worry with Rossi, the tension with Morgan, the fact that he could hear Garcia over Morgan's headpiece, causing him to remember that she was sometimes the only thing keeping him sane.

Or she was. Now, it was a whole different ballgame.

The fear in his veins continued to zing, and the tears in his eyes continued to teeter; almost falling, but being blinked away.

Everyone's voices were as if he was under water. It sure as hell felt that way.

...

The tension hadn't lessened. Neither had the unsub's grip on his neck. Neither had the force of the gun being pressed to his cheek.

Finally, his mind was on the verge. He couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't do this.

"Let me go." He whispered. The first words he had spoken. They were barely there, weak and broken. But it was all he could muster.

"Please."

Maybe it was of pity. Maybe it was of shock. Or maybe it was something else entirely that made the unsub do what he did.

His arms loosened, and Reid found himself free.

He staggered forwards. Nothing around him was clear. Vaguely, he was aware of the team arresting the man. Just vaguely.

His mind was overpowering him.

"Are you okay?" Someone asked him.

And for once, maybe the first time ever, he didn't lie.

"No."

He fell onto the nearest couch, head in his hands.

And then, like something out of a children's book, one tear fell.

And those damn walls crumbled. The protective gates he had tried so hard to permanently lock burst.

And he was sobbing.

...

JJ was beside him. Arms around his shaking waist. For some reason he didn't want her there.

Emily was by his legs, hand on his knee. He didn't want her there either.

He hated the sympathetic stares coming from Hotch and Rossi. The burned into him, telling him to stop.

But he couldn't stop. Nothing was right anymore. Nothing.

...

He stood up, forcing the two women to retract their hold on him. He walked clumsily to the door, needing desperately to escape.

He shoved past Hotch, even as the man put a hand on his shoulder.

The sun was bright as it nearly blinded him. He shrank away from it, finding himself trudging towards one of the SUVs.

His hand touched the hot metal, and he tried to breathe through the sobs that were still racking his body.

He'd been through too much.

...

A hand toughed his shoulder. He knew it was Morgan from the smell of the man's strong cologne. For the first time, he didn't mind the scent.

He didn't turn around. Instead he waited for Derek to step in front of him.

He looked up reluctantly to see the sad look emanating from Morgan's eyes.

Reid opened his mouth to explain. To come up with some excuse. Some explanation. Truth was, he didn't have one. All that came out was another sob.

"I know, kid." Derek said.

Realizing he'd already thrown his pride out the window, Reid didn't shrink away like he normally would have as Morgan hugged him.

It was the first time the two had hugged in all their time of working together. They'd shared rooms, joked and talked, but never once had they hugged.

And yet, a hug from Derek brought Reid the most immense comfort he had ever felt. Maybe it was because of the very fact that it was the first.

"I know." Derek said, Spencer clinging to him.

His sobs didn't end, but they lessened. His sadness didn't end, but it lessened. His emotional distress didn't end, but it lessened. Just like that.

That hug was a lifesaver.

They say there's beauty in the breakdown.

There was.

**So? Some strange little oneshot that popped into my head. Weird...**

**Review?**

**xo**


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